How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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