My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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