i can't believe i had my finger in that
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
