I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
