I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
