i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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