listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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