just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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