I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
