i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
