They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
