32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
