You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
