My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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