Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
