i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
