Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
