That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
