I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's official drugs can't kill me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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