if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
