I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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