Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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