Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
