the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
