No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
