I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
