I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
