All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
