dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
