You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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