i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
