If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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