Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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