just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
