I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
