Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
