I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
