was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
