"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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