Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
