I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I faked an abortion last night.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
