The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
