Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
