Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
