You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
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How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i need some magic done to my vagina
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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