so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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