we have pet lesbian snakes
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
