All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
