I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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