i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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