Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
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i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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