Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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