when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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