My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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