woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
