I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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