There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
