Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
