Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So much rum. So many feels.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
