dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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