You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
