did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
