i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
