ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I supernannyed him into submission
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
